My brother-in-law, a brilliant man who loves action films, has a dramatic interpretation of literary and/or women's fiction: "They came to talk!" he yells, diving for cover and crouching at the ready, like Han Solo holding a blaster. He makes me laugh, always, and I can't say he's wrong. To the Lighthouse, for its quality, is not exactly an action thriller.
My own instincts, when writing a rough draft, is for flat sensory detail and long conversations (preferably over delicious drinks) with people engaged in pleasant conversation that suspiciously mimics my own points of view. To the degree that they disagree, they represent my own conflicting opinions battling for supremacy. In writing a zero draft of the new book recently, I filled literal pages this way before finally winding my way to the actual crux of the scene, which was to set the stage and central conflict for the novel (none of which happened in that conversation.) The whole thing had to be scrapped. As a writer, all these extra words are my safe space, my settling in. I'm a brood hen—tucking fluff into the nest, fluttering feathers, shaking my tail a few times before finally settling in to lay an egg. Great as a hobbyist, but as a person with aspirations to produce a shelf's-worth of books before I kick off, I need to quit it and just lay the damn egg. I am not young.
To avoid this kind of word production, I have created a scene worksheet, meant to be filled out before I engage in the actual writing. It serves two purposes: one—it takes the place of that settling in behavior, and two—it sets me off on the right course. Fewer wasted words. Actually remembering to use this tool is another issue, but when I do, it's a game changer. What follows below are my two biggest problems and how the worksheet solves them, followed by the worksheet itself.
Problem #1: Flat Sensory Detail
What it looks like:
- "The day misted with spring rain. Meranne walked through the camp, filled with children and loose sheep. Her wounded hand ached."
- Generic, could-be-anywhere descriptions
- Sensory details feel tacked on as afterthought
What the worksheet forces me to do:
- Examine the sensory details through the filter of the POV character's mood.
- The SAME camp looks different, depending on whether Meranne is cheerful or gloomy
- Forces me to filter setting through emotion
Example from Fall of the Star Queen:
- "Meranne pulled her cloak tighter against the bone-chilling rain. Everything stunk of wet sheep: the felt tents, the piles of dung, and the creatures themselves—roaming freely between the temporary shelters, followed by gangs of shrieking children meant to shepherd them. Her hand throbbed, the missing fingers a constant reminder of all she had lost."
Can you feel the difference between the first and the second example? I don't need to tell you that my POV character is in a foul mood. We get it.
PROBLEM #2: AIMLESS DIALOGUE
What it looks like:
- Characters chatting without subtext
- Conversations that are pleasant but don't move anything forward
- "Talking heads" syndrome - conversation absent of setting, or sometimes bodies
What the worksheet forces me to do:
- Examine the obstacles to the POV character's goals, whether from the other character, or inside some internal discomfort she is juggling.
- Every conversation is someone trying to GET something and someone/something blocking them
- Even casual scenes have purpose
Example from Fall of the Star Queen:
I won't walk you through the pages of pointless dialogue, but it was essentially Meranne and the witch Sylvatha, inside Meranne's tent, discussing technical details of the in-world magic system—things that I really just needed to work out for myself in notes. The improved scene is Meranne striding through camp on a mission she does not want (settling new refugees when she wants to be working on an experiment) and arguing with the witch Sylvatha about the way forward in her alchemical experimentations. This allows me to drive the scene by moving my POV character through the setting, and sets up the central conflict of the novel—how will Meranne use her alchemy to save the world?
Let me show you the worksheet in action. I won't use my own WIP (because, spoilers!) Instead I'll use a scene we all know, and one even my brother-in-law could approve.
SCENE WORKSHEET - EXAMPLE
FOUNDATION
One-sentence summary: Luke and Obi-Wan enter the Mos Eisley cantina to hire a pilot, where Luke encounters the violent reality of the larger galaxy for the first time.
POV character: Luke Skywalker
Mood/feel of the scene: Wary fascination transitioning to shock and fear
Setting: Mos Eisley Cantina - dark, crowded bar filled with aliens, smugglers, and criminals
Time of day: Mid-afternoon (harsh desert sun outside contrasts with dim interior)
DRAMATIC ENGINE
POV character's goal (What does the POV character want in this specific scene?): Find a pilot willing to transport them to Alderaan without asking questions
Obstacle to POV character's goal (What is blocking them?): This is a criminal underworld Luke doesn't understand; he's out of his depth and drawing dangerous attention
Two other things the POV character is juggling:
-
- Culture shock - he's never seen aliens or this kind of place before; trying not to look like a naive farm boy
- Worry about the droids waiting outside and whether the stormtroopers are still searching for them
SENSORY GROUNDING
(All sensory details filtered through Luke's wary fascination/growing fear)
Sights: Dim smoky interior after bright desert sun (eyes adjusting); bizarre alien faces he's never seen before; Han Solo's confident swagger stands out among the crowd; the sudden violence of the severed arm on the floor
Sounds: Unfamiliar cantina music (alien instruments, dissonant to his ears); multiple languages he doesn't recognize; the hum and crack of lightsabers during the confrontation; his own heartbeat pounding during the violence
Smells: Stale alcohol, smoke, unwashed bodies, and species he can't identify - completely foreign to the clean desert air he knows
Physical sensations: Sticky floor under his boots; being jostled by the crowd; the heat of too many bodies in a enclosed space; adrenaline spike when Ponda Baba threatens him
Taste: Dry mouth from nervousness; possibly the acrid taste of smoke in the air
STORY WORK
POV character's arc (How does this scene serve their character journey?): First exposure to the morally gray galaxy beyond Tatooine - the adventure he craved has real danger and violence, not the clean heroism he imagined
Worldbuilding (What detail about the world am I establishing or reinforcing?): The Empire's reach (stormtroopers searching even here); criminal underworld exists in the margins; aliens are common in this universe; lightsabers are both elegant and deadly
Foreshadowing (What am I planting for later?): Han's roguish character and dubious trustworthiness; Obi-Wan's competence and willingness to use lethal force when necessary; Luke's naivety will be a liability
How is the plot advanced?: They meet Han Solo and Chewbacca, hire the Millennium Falcon, and set the escape from Tatooine in motion - this scene directly enables the rest of the film
READER EXPERIENCE
Climax of the scene: Obi-Wan ignites his lightsaber and severs Ponda Baba's arm - sudden shocking violence that changes the tone from tense to dangerous
What does the reader learn?: Luke is completely unprepared for the reality of this world; Obi-Wan is still a capable warrior; Han Solo is charming but unreliable; getting off Tatooine will be expensive and dangerous; the Empire is actively hunting them
With all of this planned, I can draft a scene in one sitting and—best of all—I can get busy working without "writing" until I've eased into it. My procrastination is productive! The resultant scene needs less revision because I know exactly what I am building.
Want to try it? Here's the full worksheet. Feel free to download and use/share at will!
This worksheet has saved me countless hours of revision and made my scenes stronger. What questions do you ask yourself before drafting? I'd love to hear what works for you. Let me know if you give this worksheet a try!
Thanks for this. I’ve been percolating a transition scene and it’s not working. This helps me recenter on narrator’s POV and actually get some sense of movement into the transition!
I hope it helps! I hear you on those transition scenes. Sometimes I’ve worked on a transition for pages, only to reduce it down to one sentence later, but my brain won’t know what’s happened unless I write it first.
Wow! This is amazing. You’ve put a lot of thought, time and energy into this worksheet (love the scene example!) and this blog post. Thanks for sharing your process and the worksheet!
I hope it helps! I find it does keep me on track, somewhat. I’ve been growing that worksheet over the years so thought I’d share.
Thank you, Andrea!
You’re welcome, Brenda. Glad my reminders to myself can be of some use to some others trudging along this path.